Koreans Fear Black Stompy

Moustapha Salifou is set to obtain his work permit. He has been labeled the “Togolese Zidane”, but not necessarily for his playing style. Last month, while awaiting the work permit to be finalized after being signed in the 11^th hour of the transfer window, he traveled to Italy. There he went to Marco Materazzi’s home and head-butter that fucking punk right in his chest. It was a preemptive strike by the ex-stalwart of both the 2^nd divisions of France and German. “He will not speak in such ways of my sister,” Moustapha proclaimed proudly. Oddly, he has only brothers. Koreans everywhere are petitioning FIFA, to preemptively suspend the man they call “black stompy”.

^{Salifou facing off with Ludovic Magnin, the "Swiss Zidane", named so due to his lack of hair.}

Fellow countryman Emmanuel Adebayor, who himself is considered the Togolese Henry for his pouting and posturing and his desperation to leave the Emirates, has tipped Salifou to make a massive impact at Villa Park. He said in an interview:

'He's a very good player with a lot of quality I can see the Zidane comparison because he can keep the ball, he can dribble, he can do anything he wants with the ball. He's not that fast but he's an amazing footballer. When I heard he'd signed for Aston Villa, I was very happy for him and I hope he'll play soon and show the English public what good players Africa, and Togo particularly, can produce. I can't wait to see him playing in England and I don't think it'll be long he should be around the team soon and I wish him all the best.'

The 24 year old joined Villa for a nominal fee, after tearing up the mighty second division of Swiss football while at FC Wil. He performed well in last year’s World Cup, which got him noticed by approximately one club. The attacking midfielder will be slowly employed by Martin O’Neill, and may even find himself playing right back, to get accustomed to the league. The feeling is that if he works out, he will be a revelation for the little that was paid. How this differs from any other non-European player who is bought by a Premier League team has yet to be determined.

In other news Eric Djemba-Djemba has called the major papers in England, in addition to the Sun, to ask that Salifou not be labeled the “Togolese Djemba-Djemba”, when he turns out to be shittier than shit.