Tripping Down Nostalgia Lane

FSC has begun showing 30 minute highlight reels of old games. I think it has been a wonderful addition to their programming. I was watching Manchester United play Ipswich Town in a game that took place on either March 4^th or April 3^rd of 1995. One can never be sure due to the difference in date format between the U.S. and what some of us like to refer to as everywhere else.

The game ended 9-0 to United, which is the record victory in Premiership history. But what was more interesting was to see all the familiar faces looking so unfamiliar. I was new to the sport in 1995 and wouldn’t find the Premiership for a few more years. So here are some things that have changed and some that haven’t since that memorable game (well memorable for some).

Changes

Andy Cole

He could score. I thought that was just an urban legend. He tallied as many goals in that game as I have seem him cumulatively score.

Steve Bruce

This one’s sad. He looked immensely confident anchoring that back line. It’s almost appalling to see the man now, who would lose a restive contest with a feral cat. It is quite the different characterization from the man now begging a Hong Kong businessman for a phone call, which is eerily reminiscent of my pimply ass begging the girl with knuckle-hair (and yes she was still out of my league) to go to a dance when I was 14.

Mark Hughes

Why didn’t somebody warn me that he had pubes on his head? I never understood why REO Speedwagon called him a poser, but now I get it..

Lee Sharpe

Was anyone aware that the reality television star once played football? Or maybe that was a skit on a reality show. It was surreal.

Graham Poll

Martin Tyler described him during the game as a referee with a bright future. Little did the great one know that Poll’s future would only be bright in punditry. The real shame was the Robbie Savage had just been sold to Crewe. Their early history would have been entertaining and enlightening to social scientists.

Roy Keane

My wife describes him as a very handsome man. In this game, he was absolutely hideous. Even with the glamour of playing for Manchester United, “I” would have totally beaten him out for hairy-knuckle handjob from the aforementioned troll-girl at this point in his career. I mean he looked like the product of a family fuck-fest involving a sister, a brother and another brother who is an albino. Theresa deserves some mad credit.

Martin Tyler

He’s not one for gaffs, but he made two in this game. The previously mentioned Graham Poll flattery was the first. After the sixth goal, Tyler stumbled further when he said, “this is turning into a rout.” Turning into?

Stayed the Same

Roy Keane was playing right-back, replacing the injured Gary Neville. Where have I heard that before? So is Wes Brown the new Roy Keane?

Frank Yallop, looked completely haggard and lost. It was the same “deer in headlights” look that fans of the MLS will instantly recognize. Oh and Beckham was nowhere to be seen. Irony can be so Ironic.

If “Sharpe” hadn’t been emblazoned onto his shirt, I would have had no idea when this game took place by looking at Ryan Giggs.

The Governor showed us that he is, was and always will be an utter cunt. David Linighan committed a foul from around 25 yards out. Paul Ince quickly took the free kick to catch the beleaguered keeper Craig Forrest out of position for the 8^th goal. Yes, 8^th!