Gerrard: Segway 2.0

The press has played Rafa Benitez like a guitarra rítmica. It has been opined quite openly by the notoriously grounded English press that the god like figure of Steven Gerrard has had an uncharacteristic poor run of form recently. The fact that it has coincided with the absence of Xabi Alonso is purely coincidental. As Gerrard’s contribution has fallen, calls for Rafa’s rotation policy to affect the man, many think cast Lucifer from heaven, have increased within the media and even with fans.

So this weekend, when Steven Gerrard was once again having a poor game, this time against Merseyside rival Everton, Rafael Benitez bit and subbed off the captain. It was a smart move as Rafa was reacting to the Mikel Arteta’s domination of the right side of Liverpool’s midfield by bringing on freshly awoken Ryan Babel to stretch Everton’s commitment on the left. With Gerrard’s tendency to ignore defending, Rafa’s choice to bring on Leiva Lucas, who would fill the holes when Riise and Babel went forward was a sound tactic. However, Rafa forgot that Gerrard created the world in six days, and has been basically been resting since. Well at least since the brilliant 15 minute spell in Istanbul. He occasionally falls over in the box or kicks Andorra’s ass, but he’s more over-hyped than the Segway. To be fair, the Segway won’t fall over in a breeze.

Rafa allowed himself to be bullied into the move by the press, so they would have a controversy to write about. By spouting the truth about Gerrard’s form, finally, they made it seem like Rafa would suffer no backlash if he sat Stevie G. Once he did, the typewriters began in earnest as hundreds of lard-asses around Britain creamed their collective panties. The press for their part are absolutely delighted at having pulled off this coup. As Peter Ashely of the Independent said, “Its like when you get you’re girlfriend to consent to a three-way. You’re actually more excited about closing the deal than the act. We totally made Rafa go down on the hot girl from work.”

Stories now abound about Rafa’s decision, his relationship with the erstwhile Captain and his tenure. It’s a big coup for the press, which has suffered the embarrassment of Jol’s continued employment in the N17.