Juan Pablo Angel of the New York Red Bulls was named one of the 10 sexiest Latinos by People en Español. He is the first person to ever grace the prestigious People’s list with a stylish uni-brow giving hope to all people with remnants of Neanderthal genetics in their makeup.
But what is more surprising is the list of physical and emotional attributes, often considered undesirable by women, that each of the other nine men on the list had. It is rather refreshing in this day of infatuation with the aesthetic to see People taking an honest look at men and judging them attractive despite their unseemly features.
When you look at the other nine of People’s list, and their faults, you might find it quite easy to see why Angel’s uni-brow is the least unseemly.
1) Jamie Camil, star of La fea más bell, has back hair. And when I say back hair, I don’t mean some strands that might be unsightly at the beach. Let me take you back to the first time you read the Bible and came across John the Baptist and his hair coat. Did you wonder what was meant by “hair coat”? Camil’s lovers don’t.
2) Alejandro Fernandez, the Mexican singing star, has chronic halitosis. Many of his closest friends claim that it’s like a skunk both shit and sprayed in his mouth. The hideous smell has led to a distinct lack of duets and has seared the eyebrows off many who dare pass his aromatrauma zone.
3) Fernando Colunga, the serial star, has a vitiligo penis. The marble complexion has led many lovely señoritas to be mesmerized by its undulation. “It’s like watching a lava lamp” said one woman who ran screaming from his private abode after he suggested that she do more with his marble penis than stare at it.
4) Singing sensation Francisco Elizalde, known as El Chico, speaks only in the third person, using only the aforementioned nickname. It is especially noticeable as he likes to talk during sex and doesn’t like to learn names. It has been reported that his dirty talk sounds something like this: El Chico wants to make rough dirty love with El Chico’s girl. He would specially like to put El Chico’s retazo macizo in El Chico’s cusca’s ojete. Does El Chico’s joven like El Chico’s mecos on El Chico’s chica’s manchas? It’s not that he’s bad. It’s just exhausting.
5) Reggaeton superstar Yandel has a conjoint twin. Yes this might be a bit unnerving but not as unnerving as Yandel’s tendancy to talk and respond to Yandelito, as he has named his genetic anomaly, or dress it in matching clothing. He also likes to high-five Yandelito when he says something funny.
6) Amaury Nolasco, the Puerto Rican actor best know for his role in Prison Break, has man titties. They are not noticeable on the hit show due his use of gauze but when his acting career hadn't quite taken off he was able to make money as a dick-girl during the lean months.
7) Mexican actor Alex Sirvent cries after sex. And not in a “clean the pipes” kind of way that he could shake off as manly. No, he curls up in the fetal position and whimpers, calling out for his mother. This usually lasts for hours.
8) Argentine Saul Lisazo has a….well let’s just say “hurman” and leave it at that.
9) Mexican soap star José Ron is well known for his odd tendency to quofe. It is a rare phenomenon because it is fairy hard for air to become stuck in a man’s urethra, especially if he hasn’t had a catheter. Ron’s dick farts are uncontrollable and have a tendency to happen when he is nervous, which shocked many at the Latino Grammy’s.
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