Wolfsburg have finally given up on football. The team, based in the city of the same name, which was built to house workers for what would become the Volkswagen Beetle, has never won anything. In fact until the early 90’s they had never even been in the Bundesliga. So rather than keep up the façade, chairman Hans-Dieter Pötsch has decided to pull financial support out of the club and focus on their new business model, which is 90’s style boy bands. While currently passé in the music industry, Vfb Wolfsburg are sure that the genre will come back as it often does, and this time they will be on the cutting edge.
Ladies, meet the ‘Da Wolves and get ready to cream yo’ panties.
Bang bang. Now you rolling with MC Quiroga. I be the sensitive member of ‘da band. My facial hair and dew rag say I’m a rebel. But my sweet face won’t scare young white prepubescent suburban girls, who can work out the complicated nature of female sexuality. They can fantasize about my love and support while they be finger-blastin’. Word!
Hola, me llamo Senor Costa. I’m here for the Latino demographic. I actually have talent, but it’s wasted on choreographed danced moves and the rare vocal accompaniment. I’m happy go lucky on the outside, but inside I cry as my ethnographic heritage is minimized for middle class uggs-wearing gringos. I will be working in the porn industry of Costa Rica within 5 years.
‘Sup I be Dynamite Dejagah. I be da guy with fake street cred, yo! I was once a gang-banga, sept it twas only be in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. My turn ons be burkas and clitorectomies. My turns offs be ankles and Jews. Hit me up yo!
Yo. Marcelinho-Yo here. I’m the middle-age guy parading around in a boy’s band. I’m so old that even our groupie’s mother’s get skeeved at the after-party. But I’ll take a Viagra, some blood thinner and beta-blocer and three hours later, make sweet creepy love to you baby.
Hey, I’m Fire Brier. I’m ‘da ”fish outta wata”, the awkwardly inserted white guy. I overcompensate for my granola nature by borrowing freely from the counter-culture of minority groups. I lack any semblance of talent, but if I’m not thrown in and given a leading role, you can be sure nobody will buy this album and Tipper Gore would have a conniption. I was born for substance abuse and will be the only one to get a solo album and will most likely have a contrived tape of a sex-act with Lindsay Lohan on YouTube soon.
Be the first to download the debut album @ http://www.vflwolfsburg.de/fantuning
Thanks to Jan
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