These boots are made for romance novels

Slipper manufacturer Daniel Green is set to launch a line of boots in the coming year. Having seen the lightweight materials that such powerhouses such as Nike, Umbro and Adidas have implemented in the design of footwear for the beautiful game, slipper makers are keen to penetrate the multi-billion dollar market. Daniel Green spokesperson Sissy Baker was ecstatic, “There’s no way Nike or Addidas can compete with our lightweight house-shoes when it comes to the demands of a sixty game season or a night of binging and purging.”

Uggs, Minnetonka and Acorn plan to launch their own lines over the next few years, although Uggs spokesperson Diedra Thigpen is concerned about modifications as it might affect their brand presence and general tackiness. “On the plus side”, she added, “people who might potentially want to have sex will start buying our product.”

The slipper giants may soon be joined by a slew of companies that make socks, inserts, toe rings and anklets. BIWAL Dienstleistungen, who make disposable socks, has begun looking into the viability of adding studs to their vacuum packed product. Not to be outdone, Nike has announced plans to start painting their famous swoosh on the ankles of their well-paid spokesmen and drilling studs directly into the soles of their feet. “Ronaldinho is said to have started playing in his bare feet. We only want to bring back that innocence back to the game for $149.99 per installation,” said Nike spokesman Cal Firnty.