Steve Coppell Wallbanger Available For Speaking Engagements

Steve Coppell has apologized to fans of the small club for not being active in the transfer market. On May 16^th, Reading signed Boavista midfielder Kalifa Cisse, but since then there has been no activity at last year's surprise club.

Coppell informed reporters and fans yesterday that he had fallen asleep in his favorite chair on May 26th and must have needed the rest after the grind of last season’s 8th place finish for the small club. He has asked the club to give him a wake up call in the future to ensure that such an event doesn’t reoccur. When asked, his wife admitted “I would have woken him but I didn’t know he was asleep. Stevie’s always like that.”

Many were surprised by the revelation as the ex-United stalwart had been seen at the Peace Cup in South Korea, where Reading registered wins over Shimizu S-Pulse and Lyon. Coppell admitted that when the club couldn't wake him, they had resorted to using a Wallbanger on the sideline and hoping the wind wouldn't kick-up and create the illusion that Coppell had moved, as that would have been a dead give away. This is technique that was employed so flawlessly last year by Tottenham Hotspur, where a Paul Robinson Wallbanger was good enough to secure the team 5th place.

When the rumor of Coppell’s hibernation hit the folks at Dublin’s Today FM, the Gift Grub team made a series of prank calls using their infamous impersonations of José Mourinho, Steve Staunton, Niall Quinn and Roy Keane. They were able to secure the moves of Steve Sidwell to Chelsea and Greg Halford to Sunderland. The real Roy Keane was quite surprised when Greg Halford showed up for the first day of training. The real Steve Coppell has yet to notice. He has been quicker to pick up on reduced number of ginger players at training.

Upon waking up Steve Coppell quickly moved to bolster his squad depleted by prank callers by picking up Ivorian Emerse Fae from Nantes. The Wallbanger has quit the club after being refused the opportunity to introduce the new record signing to the press.