You A Glutton For Pain, But Hutton is Stayin'

For the third time this January, Alan Hutton is said to be contemplating and offer from Tottenham Hotspur. Having rejected the North London club twice already, it is assumed that he is searching for new and fresh ways to say no to Daniel Levy

Among his top choices

1) Using his well renowned Mr.T impression, he will announce to Levy on the BBC, “You a Glutton for Pain, but Hutton is Staying!”

2) As an amateur ventriloquist, Hutton has a racist doll he calls Mr. Wet Back, which he uses at local comedy hours. He will use this little tramp to reject Levy with his dandy catchphrase “Meeester Hutton no theeenks so!”

3) He will print up a shirt that read “I am Rangers’ Winston Bogarde” which he will flash to cameras when he scores against Hearts on Wednesday.

4) He will tell Levy that Steven Ireland's grandmother died and he has to go to the funeral. He will promise to give Levy a ring when he returns on the first.

5) He will point out in so uncertain terms that he would rather have unprotected sex with a homeless pre-op tranny.

6) He will state that much depends on the outcome of Super Tuesday and how many delegates he picks up in key states.

7) He will remind Levy that he could always take back chairmanship of Rangers if he wants to have the Scotsman as an employee.

8) He will Photoshop his face on the Rerun’s, Levy’s face on to Roger’s, Comolli’s face onto Dwayne’s and rework a downloaded JPEG of the 70’s show’s title to say “More Like, What’s Not Happening”

9) He will mumble “guy who isn’t signing me says ‘what’!” during their next phone call.

10) Two words: retraining order!