Bring Out the Gimp

Spurs have been rejected by Ranger’s RB Alan Hutton for a second time this week. Even though Ranger’s chief Sir David Murray had went to the lengths of packing the Scottish international’s bags, forwarding his mail and burning down his house, Hutton rejected the move south. While rumors persist that he is holding out for a direct move to Manchester United, rather than moving to their feeder club, comments by Juande Ramos have led many to believe that Hutton knew that the Spurs boss wasn’t sold on him and he saw the writing on the wall. Especially since that wall was his garage and the writing was “I Don’t Rate You – Wendy” written in sheep’s blood, thereupon.

So what does Damien Comolli do, now that the public humiliation of being turned down by player with little-to-no pedigree? He’s a proud man, with little intelligence and high self-esteem…..I mean French. He has two options.

The first is to go alpha-male and never accept no for an answer. This will mean Damien will need to slip Hutton a roofie and smuggle him over the border. Hutton will wake to his shirt on inside out, hemorrhoids and debilitating cases of shame, anger and helplessness. The press conference where Comolli introduces Hutton, who will be curled up in the fetal position, admonishing his new talisman, a rape whistle, will show the world that Damien always gets his man.

But this is not the path that his boss Daniel Levy prefers as it has come out that another target; Ajax’s Urby Emmanuelsen has rejected any move to Tottenham. Levy may have his faults, but he knows that the roofie trick can only be used once as there is a thing as too much sodomy.

Levy has suggested that the club set its sights on much bigger fish. Subsequently the rumors are flying that Tottenham have made audacious bids of £30 million for Barcelona’s Ronaldinho and a £20 million for Real Madrid’s Fabio Canavarro. The eventual rejections by these two former World Players of the Year will put the aforementioned rejection by rejects on the back pages. Fans and media will forget that two kids who can’t defend didn’t want to join the Spurs devolution, as they concentrate on the fact that two superstars didn’t want to put the nails on the coffins of their career in the N17.