We Need More Binge Drinkers!

Tottenham supporters are getting a cold dose of reality this transfer window. With the appointment of Juande Ramos as manager of the club, it was expected that the club would be molded in a similar fashion as clubs he has molded in the past: speedy, fit and technical with a little Latin flair.

Since Daniel Levy took of the chairmanship of the club, there has long been a policy of buy English first and ask questions later. Frank Arnesen left the club when he was informed that his scouting of the continent was strictly forbidden. Needing a Director of Football like all English clubs, Damien Comolli was then hired to steward the club, but was able to negotiate the right to view tapes from French Ligue 1 on the condition that he make ridiculous bids between overpaying for crappy British players.

This has led to the current situation where Tottenham are, as Derby County Chairman Adam Pearson stated, his club’s only rival for ineptitude. With the opening of the January window, which was the first with Juande Ramos at the helm, it was felt that players would be brought in to slowly adapt to his tactical system. Links to Spanish, Italian, Argentine, Brazilian and Portuguese players have been shown to be the imagination of the deluded and deranged.

Instead, Spurs signed a Welsh winger that nobody else was interested in. They also ignored Alan Hutton’s multiple rejections, to bid on the defenseless defender from Scotland, over and over. Meanwhile Comolli’s quota signing is Arsenal’s Lassana “not good enough for the B team” Diarra, who was last seen playing on some 12 year-old kid’s Football Manager game because he couldn’t sell him to Dag and Red.

And news is abound today that the pathetic North London club are about to finally get Englishman Stewart Downing after failing for the past three years for a whopping £12 million. Neither speedy, nor fit, nor technical, it seems that the list of things that one can count on need not be limited to taxes and death. Spurs splashing insane cash on mediocre binge drinking melanoma candidates should now rank just ahead of death (as science hopes to cure this one) but below Newcastle fans thinking their club is “big”.

The needs at centerhalf and in central midfield will have to wait until Comolli can finish his tour of the Conference North, where teams hope for a sighting of Daniel Levy even more than an away draw at Old Trafford in the F.A. Cup.