Recipe: Scouse Pie

Servings:
45,000+

Level of difficulty:
Hard in groups, soft one-on-one

Ingredients
1. Latent suppressed homosexuality
2. X-file level paranoia
3. Excessive binge drinking (can be replaced with drug addiction if alcohol not available)
4. A hint of wife-beating
5 A pinch of "Burden on Society"
6. Deluded sense of importance (should be sprinkled on copiously)
7. Lack of knowledge about anything (especially football)
8. Excessive history of violence
9. Belief that said history of violence is made up by the press, much like the Klan believes the Jewish media made up the holocaust.
10. Unintelligible accent
11. Hard on for communism
12. Body ink
13. Stolen hubcap
14. Unparalleled Xenophobia
15. Wine. Lots and lots of whine
16. Spanish Paprika
17. Short-crust pastry for the pie

Prep:
Season a dilapidated area of drug users and unemployed commie hate-mongers with a 10 year run of excellence in both violence and football with lots and lots of alcohol. Simmer. Tell the mix that its team is having problems on and off the field. Wait for the paranoia to bubble to the surface. Skim off the resulting death threat. Use stolen hubcap to spoon in a fluke night in Istanbul until roux believes itself to be significant in any way. Sing to it a stolen Manchester United hymn and wait for a gang of sodomites to find a group of women and children to harm. Sprinkle in excuses of how it was everybody else’s fault for the resulting mayhem to taste. Feel free to rotate ingredients as you see fit.

Spoon into pastry and wait for the calls to 606.

Cost:
Don't skimp on the recipe (spend small African nation GDP on it) but utilize dime-store ingredients