The Silly Season (7/11)

Chelsea have finally opened the wallet this silly season and have snared left winger Flourent Malouda from Lyon. The 27 year-old French international had been keen to leave Lyon, just like all its other residents. His addition will undoubtedly lead to more speculation about Arjen Robben's future, which means squeaky bum time for all of the extra physios at Stamford Bridge.

West Ham have won the race for 27 year-old golf champion Craig Bellamy. The Welsh captain's signing has the rest of the team writing out their transfer requests. Surplus to requirement at Liverpool after the signing of Fernando Torres, he will now make Marlon Harewood surplus to requirement for whomever is burdened with his transfer.

Portsmouth retooled its forward line with the signings of David Nugent from Preston North End and John Utaka from Rennes. The Sun was absolutely giddy at the prospect of using the latter's name in the headlines on the back page. My prediction: "Utaka the high road, Harry tells his striker".

Derby sign Ben Hinchliffe on free from Preston. The 19 year-old was highly rated by Rams' boss Billy Davies before he left PNE to take over at Derby. Preston rated him so highly that they couldn't wait for the door to him where natural selection split him.

Wigan beat out Everton and Aston Villa for the signature of West Brom's Welsh international Jason Koumas. The 27 year old creative midfielder came up through the Liverpool academy with Michael Owen and Stephen Gerrard. Unlike Owen and Gerrard, he sucks, which is why Villa and the Toffies were beaten out by Wigan for the signature of anyone.