The Silly Season (7/21)

Aston Villa's second major signing of the summer… must be coming soon. Until then, the Birmingham club has relieved West Ham of Marlon Harewood and his 4 goal thriller that was the 2006/07 season. He will provide depth in the one area that Martin O'Neill’s men don't need depth - lumbering goalless wonders.

Everton have secured a loan deal for Borussia Dortmund’s attacking midfielder Steven Pienaar. Pienaar was signed by Dortmund to replace Tomáš Rosický, who left for Arsenal in 2005. His move to England has been the closest the South African has come to replicating Rosický’s form.

Real Madrid has decided to forego the Galacticos mentality for a more austere Worthlessticos policy. Following the earlier signing of Dortmund's second-rate defender Christopher Metzelder, they have now signed Liverpool's third-rate goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek. Best known for having the best seat during A.C. Milan's penalty fiasco at the 2005 Champion's League final, Dudek is expected to replicate his Merseyside role in the Spanish capital by sitting motionless for 90 minutes each game.

Lawrie Sanches has added the newest component to his relegation battle with QPR's winger Lee Cook. Cook was so highly sought that even perpetually-in-need Tottenham Hotspur never gave the kid with a left foot a look. He is expected to excel against Sunderland, Derby and Birmingham City this year, before being expected to excel against two of them in the Championship next season.

Roy Keane has signed the Nigerian Roy Keane named Dickson Etuhu from Norwich. The combative midfielder looks to add depth to Sunderland, provide a physical presence, and proof of karma to the once volatile player, who is quickly gaining respect for his composure as a manager and his ability to sign unwanted castoffs from Manchester clubs. Norwich plans a parade for his departure this coming Monday.

Julien Faubert dreams of never playing at Upton Park seem closer than ever thanks to his ruptured Achilles tendon. Six months down, 4 and 1/2 years to go. Dream that dream, Julien!