Kia Joorabchian is Tired of Paying for Poonani

Carlos Tevez's Iranian agent, who is amidst a dispute with West Ham over the ownership of economic rights to the Argentine hit-man, has promised to prolong the controversy for as long as possible to assure his chance at fame whores. Long able to afford high-class prostitutes for sexual exploits, Joorabchian has determined to save the cash that he typically spends in Dubai or Bangkok for a one-off, in order to tap the more lucrative market of media-savvy party girls. It is Kia's belief that if he can keep his face in the papers and on television, he can start to compete in the lucrative market of B-list celebrity whores.

"Why should some trailer-trash with bull-dyke facial hair, like K-fed, be able to do blow off of Brittany Spears breasts, when someone with money, cars and culture, like myself must pay some uninterested third world poverty stricken girl who was sold by her parents for such a privilege? It is just outrageous", replied Joorabchian, incongruously, when asked about Tevez's medical. While nobody is willing to speak on the record, many financially successful men are monitoring Kia's progress with such tabloid luminaries as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. If all goes well and Joorabchian finds himself at the center of another controversy involving a sex-tape and a talentless Hollywood wannabe, expect his footballing path to be followed en masse.