Adieu Adu!

Freddy Adu has been downgraded from the next Pelé to the next Eusebio following his move from the Real Salt Lake to Benfica in Portugal. Once a media darling, Freddy Adu has failed to impress even his mother since joining the MLS at the tender age of 14. Feeling rejected since being referred to as "what ever happened to that kid?" by anyone with a passing knowledge of the game in the United States, he decided to move abroad. A solid performance at the Under-21 World Cup in Canada piqued the interest of many teams in Europe; however, Freddy and his handlers made their move based on his probability of a label.

When it was suggested that he think of being a first rather than a next, the marketing team behind the young star looked confused and dazed. His agent Richard Motzkin was seen curled up in the fetal position crying, "You can't sell originality! You just caaaaaaan't!"

They made sure to avoid any team where Roger Milla had once played, as the fear of being the next Roger Milla might remind everyone that he is currently much older than the Cameroonian legend. A move to Celtic where he could have been the next Jinky or Tottenham where he could have been branded the next Gazza were rejected because his impending failure would be highly publicized in those countries. By blending into the scenery of the Portuguese Superliga, it is hoped that his 5 years will run out without notice that he is truly the next Kyle Rote Jr.