"A" You're Adorable, "B" You're So Beatable

Having lost this past weekend to Arsenal at home, Martin O’Neill’s men find their three game winning streak abruptly ended. Having beaten Birmingham City, Boro and Blackburn consecutively, Randy Learner has seen the pattern. Realizing that Villa’s only hope of ever winning the league lies in a table of alphabetical weighting, he has vowed to support lower level teams until the EPL looks like this:

1. Aston Villa
2. Blackburn
3. Birmingham City
4. Bolton
5. Bristol City
6. Barnsley
7. Burnley
8. Blackpool
9. Brighton & Hove Albion
10. Bristol Rovers
11. Bournemouth
12. Barnet
13. Bury
14. Bradford City
15. Brentford
16. Burton Albion
17. Burscough
18. Bath City
19. Bishop's Stortford
20. Boston United

Seeing as the Linnets, Romans, Bishops and Pilgrims currently lay five conferences below the Premier League, the American owner has demanded that they make their progression within two years.