Fecal Matter Angered by Comparison to Zokora

In a press conference held earlier today, Screaming Eagle who is the spokes-excrement for the Fecal Waste Solidarity Union made a concerted plea for his fellow scat everywhere. “Long have we accepted your comparisons to our kind when it comes to poor footballers in the Premiership…sorry Premier League, but you have gone too far in comparing us to Didier Zokora,” pleaded the sphincter spear. “We accepted when you said Titus Bramble was shit or Eric Djemba-Djemba was as useful as creamy butt nuggets or Li Weifeng sucked mud bunnies or Nigel Quashie was a sack of toilet orphans or even that Shevchenko had completely turned to lumpy farts,” continued the piece of intestinal sculpture, “We even kept our mouths shut when you called Khalid Boulahrouz a blivic; but what have we ever done to you, so that you would possibly want to compare us to Didier Zokora?”

Speaking from a backed-up sewage pipe near the Seven Sisters Road in North London, the corn-eyed butt snake pleaded with football fans everywhere to show respect to the by-products of their overindulgence in pies and beer. “While I may never be able to accomplish tricks like Ronaldinho,” claimed the tangy butt nut, “I sure as heck can pass a ball to a wide-open man or even shoot on target.” In the future, the chocolate soldier has asked that poor players be likened to maggots, rotting food or even fellow fluids. “For too long you have ignored bile, semen, urine and menstruation, while you have continued to heap the burden of your own failings on me and my fellow dookies,” the exasperated ass apple pleaded, “Zokora was too much. Please let us have some peace!”