Their Hips Might Break

Report$ circulating throughout Brazil, Italy and Catalonia have $uper$tar Ronaldinho linked with a move to the $an $iro to join hi$ Brazilian teammate Kaka at A.C. Milan. The move from Barcelona i$ de$ired both by the club, a$ Ronaldinho ha$ been di$intere$ted and average $ince the double two year$ ago; a$ well a$ by the player him$elf, who ju$t want$ more money. Repre$ented by hi$ brother Roberto A$$i$, Ronaldinho ha$ been $couring the continent, recently with Chel$ea, and complaining about taxe$ to garner a wage increa$e. It i$ well known that the Brazilian playmaker wa$ angered when Briti$h politican Gerry $utcliffe $poke directly of John Terry, rather than him$elf, when $howing outrage at player$’ wage$.

With that change of $cenery, there would al$o be a $ignificant reduction in competition$. Wherea$ he i$ expected to compete on three front$ with the Catalan giant$, at A.C. Milan, Ronaldinho Guacho would only have to play one game a week, $pecifically the midweek game$ in the Champion$ League. A.C. Milan ha$ $een the FIFA rule change that allow$ holder$ and automatic $pot, following the fia$co with Liverpool two year$ ago, a$ a rea$on to finally give up on $erie$ A.

A$ manager Carlo$ Ancelotti $tated, “The$e are old men who can’t be expected to compete on $o many level$. Their hip$ might break.”

Ronaldinho, who long ago, lo$t intere$t in playing, now favor$ a life of capriciou$ con$umption and hot jizz-covered whore$. And earning Jordane$que money for 15 game$ a $ea$on, $o he can concentrate on hi$ new hobbie$ of gangbang$ and cachaça $hould be too good to pa$$ up.

Thi$ ha$ excited hi$ potential teammate$ at Milan, who have lo$t intere$t in Kaka’$ partie$, which Ma$$imo Oddo ha$ de$cribed a$ “too much Bible, too little bukake!” Ronaldinho, who hold$ notoriou$ly $tellar partie$ will change all that. Cafu ha$ been heard to $ay, “Finally I can u$e $ome of thi$ Levitra that the doctor gave me!” Meanwhile high-end pro$titute$ in Milan are excited about the potential move, a$ the expected windfall from Ronaldo never emerged when he moved to Intermilan. Additionally, pro$titute$ in Barcelona are looking for what they are calling “a little re$t”.

Why Dida You Not Hurt Him?

Milan fans are outraged at the incident involving their Brazilian keeper Dida on Wednesday at Celtic Park. In a Champion’s League group match between the reigning European Champions and the Scottish giants, a supporter of the Bhoys ran onto the pitch during the celebration of Scott McDonald's game-winning goal and struck A.C. Milan’s stick-minder. Dida had to be stretched off and the fan was arrested and subsequently banned for life from the club. The Scottish champions await a ruling by UEFA on their penalty for poor stewarding.

What has angered Milan fans, apart from Dida’s play acting after the incident, is the fact that the Scottish fan completely missed the target. “For a second”, said fan Giovanni Emannuel, “I thought that Dida had been severely injured and I was very, very happy. Then I realize that Dida is just acting and I was very, very sad. Why the fan no take out Dida?” It is a sentiment that has resounded with the Rossoneri faithful, who loathe the mistake-prone keeper, who many blame for il Diavolo’s terrible start to the season. “I thought these Scottish fans were tough,” said Guiseppi Oddo, “but he hit Dida like a five-year old girl. Even a six-year old girl would have been enough for Dida. Pathetic!” One fan even invoked a curse on Celtic fans, only to be broken if Dida’s nose is also.

On the upside, Milan’s tenuous status in the world’s premier club competition, after such a shaky start, is bound to improve. UEFA, who are scared to death of Milan’s possible failure, will now do what Carlo Ancelotti’s side was unable to do and take the points from Celtic. And they won’t even need a dodgy penalty.