Champions League is for Suckers; English, Italian and Spanish Suckers!

Germany embraces the UEFA Cup. With Bayern Munich playing in Europe’s 2^nd tournament for the first time in a decade, the rest of Germany is trying to keep up with the country’s biggest club. That includes Werder Bremen, Schalke 04 and Stuttgart, who are currently in the Champions League.

The going has been tough for the three Champions League teams. Werder Bremen and Stuttgart find themselves in 4^th in their respective groups, having failed to secure draws this past week to secure the coveted 3^rd spot, a position that drops teams into the UEFA Cup Round of 32. Schalke currently find themselves in 3^rd spot, but questions at Chelsea following the dismissal of Jose Mourinho and Valencia’s inability to finish, leave the current second place team in the Bundesliga in a dubious position. A positive result in either of the upcoming fixtures with Chelsea could see the Gelsenkirchen side slip into second place.

It wasn’t like manager Mirko Slomka didn’t try. He employed a midfield with no width against Rosenborg, who dominated the midfield, but his team unfortunately countered for two goals. Werder Bremen’s Thomas Schaaf will be disappointed with his team’s loss to Olympiakos. The goal they so desperately wanted to concede after dominating possession by over 60% during the match, escalated into two others quickly, meaning they need to win one of the games approaching with Lazio to move up one space. Stuttgart have to hope they are less sucktacular than Lyon to secure third.

Meanwhile in the actual competition, Leverkusen, FC Bayern, Hamburg and even lowly Nurnberg made it to the group stages. Leverkusen gave away two early goals which seemed to jeopardize their chances, but pulled through at Uniao Leiria. Nurnberg used the away goals rule to get by Rapid Bucharest. Hamburg demolished a Lycra/Spandex blend from Bulgaria, while Bayern made short work of another Portuguese side. All four will find their group pairings this coming Tuesday.

If things go according to plan, the Bundesliga could see seven teams through to the quarterfinals of the competition, which is now being called “das Ligapokal Zwei” colloquially in Germany. It would undoubtedly give Germany a half-decent chance of capturing its first UEFA Cup since Bayern and Schalke’s double of 95/96 and 96/97. The closest the Bundesliga have come since was Borussia Dortmund’s loss in Rotterdam to Feyenoord in 2002. It was a tragedy, really, as Dortmund awaited the return leg only to find out the competition had changed to a one-leg final three years prior.

Oliver Kahn: Skater of Jater?

Oliver Kahn has placed the blame for last week's draw at Hamburg directly on trainer Otto Hitzfeld.

"I demanded a DVR be installed and he refused," he yelled at the linesman during the draw. Bayern Munich's current form has been breath-taking and their midfield domination of teams has meant little work for the keeper who is retiring at the end of the season. After giving away only one attempt on goal in their first three games, Hitzfeld agreed to Kahn's request of a television and satellite hookup between the sticks, but balked at a DVR instillation as it just seemed absurd.

However Mohamed Zidan, who was the first player to score on Kahn, this campaign, caught the keeper at just the right moment while he was watching the season three finale of Lost, which was finally being broadcast in Germany. Kahn was watching as Jack Shepherd descended into substance abuse, when he was forced make a diving attempt at David Jarolim's parry which Zidan was able to clean up.

Hitzfeld has countered that Kahn's anger is not at a lack of a DVR, but rather that he is upset about missing the pivotal moment of the sci-fi finale and having only realized post-game, while surfing the Fuselage website, that the flashbacks had actually been flash-forwards. Kahn has said that the DVR better be in place by the time the 1st season of Heroes is broadcast or there could be hell to pay.